The Definition of Schadenfraude

A Look Inside The Mind of a Conservative F***tard

Over the last month or so, I've received at least thirty e-mails from someone who is apparently a cousin of mine. This particular fellow also happens to be a right-wing conservative dingbat. My first impulse was to respond to his idiotic e-mails, but I thought better of it, as engaging him is probably exactly what he wanted. However, while I have decided not to respond to him directly, that hasn't stopped me from being particularly pissed off about some of his e-mails. So, in order for me to vent, I present to you his most recent offering:

This message is to help those liberals who are at a loss at being called un-American, or who can't even comprehend any liberal being called anti-American. So with that said, below is a brief questionnaire to enable liberals to grasp this seemingly undeserved title. Be sure to answer all the questions honestly, and surely any liberal taken participating will be enlightened!

Why are liberals sometimes considered un-American?

1. Who is most likely to stomp on an American flag?
a. A liberal
b. A conservative
2. Who is most likely to burn an American flag?
a. A conservative
b. A liberal
3. Who is most likely not to recite the Pledge of Allegiance as an act of defiance.
a. A liberal
b. A conservative
4. Who is most likely not to place their hand over their heart during a rendition of the National Anthem.
a. A conservative
b. A liberal
5. Who is most likely to file a lawsuit to have any vestige of God removed from the Pledge of Allegiance or for that matter from any American institution, money, monuments or any other governmental building.
a. A liberal
b. A conservative

There that wasn't so hard. Some liberals will react to this with rancor, and cry foul claiming that it is narrow minded, misleading and twisting the truth. However that will just reinforce that they are missing the point. If moderate liberals ever want to get out from under the anti-American tag that they deem unworthy, then they need to extricate themselves from any alliance with the far left. Moderate liberals have accepted this alliance to strengthen their position and realize their political aspirations. However what they didn't realize was that they are ultimately being swallowed whole.

Here's my challenge to liberals. Come up with you own list of five anti-American questions that paint conservatives black.

I think a funny thing would be if I were to accidentally let slip that my idiot cousin's e-mail address is tturowski@gmail.com, and then my friends were to anonymously fill up his inbox with anti-American liberal propaganda.

I Actually Agree With John McCain!

As I'm sure you know, the Alaskan legislature has released their report on the whole Troppergate and it says that, in a shocking turn of events that no one would have expected from an mavericky, outside-the-beltway maverick, Sarah Palin abused her power as governor. Needless to say, the McCain campaign has gone into their standard spin mode, which is to accuse anyone that says anything mean about either McCain or Palin of being an biased Obama supporter. They're claiming that the investigation is a partisan witch hunt.

And this is where I agree with McCain and his campaign. It was partisan! And unfair! I mean, over two-thirds of the committee were REPUBLICANS!!!!! Alaskan republican legislators are IN THE TANK FOR OBAMA!!!!!

The Reviews Are In

DC Theatre Scene - "Oh, what a fine nasty little play this is, as mean as a wolverine and as tight as a Chinese box puzzle! ... O’Reilly, as the pea-brained youngest son, paces himself brilliantly. One of the great pleasures of this play is to see comprehension slowly flicker across his slab-of-ham face."

The Examiner - "Under Linda Murray’s direction, all four of the actors give wonderfully understated comic performances"

Washington Times - "A boom economy brings out the best in everyone, right? Irish playwright Gerald Murphy mines the falsehoods riddling this truism in his bitterly funny comedy 'Take Me Away,' getting its American premiere at Washington's Solas Nua theater under the clear-eyed direction of Linda Murray."

City Paper - "Take Me Away feels too bland to make much of an impression."

Washington Post - "The brooding of these three lads and their braying, oafish da -- all of them tied in a mysterious knot over the condition of the matriarch we never see -- occasionally hits fine notes of blind stupidity."

HMILGA

Those of you who know anything about hockey (i.e. probably no one reading this) may already know why it is that I have a deep, seething hatred for the Philadelphia Flyers. And now, wether you give a whit about hockey or not, I'd like you to join me in that hatred!